Wednesday, January 18, 2017

Challenges and Choices Facing the truth forgiving myself

Over 2016 I had quite a few challenges, business wise, and emotional wise. It was not the best year for me but I woke when we went away for a vacation to Ocean Shores.

I love the ocean! It is my happy place. It is where I feel the most relaxed, most peaceful, and most connected to God. We took several weekend trips to the beach for 2015-2016.

It was a stormy weekend but during a break in the wind and the rain we headed out to the beach. It was beautiful. The waves were amazing and the sun shone bright in between the clouds. The first beach we went to was so nice that we decided to visit one that we knew had larger waves.

The second beach was windier and the waves were much larger. There was a beautiful fluff of sea foam along the beach closer to the water line that was blowing up the beach. It was so beautiful! The power of God in the crashing waves and the gently moving foam. So beautiful in fact that I really wanted to capture it in video.

As I was filming I had my husband and son move up the hill a little so that their sound wouldn't be in the video. Turns out that was the best thing I did that day. They were to the left and up from me on the beach. What I didn't know is a wave was heading towards them and that wave would soon circle around me. My husband was filming and running and I was standing still watching the waves right in front of me because we all know you shouldn't turn your back to the ocean.

Here is a video of what happened.

Then my phone died because it had been in the ocean. For several days I was unplugged. During that time I got to a very low point. Unable to help others online, unable to take care of my business, thinking that my second electronic in 2 months was ruined and not having money to get a new one put me in a panic. What would happen to my business with no computer and no phone, what would happen to my ministry, what would happen to my friends that I could no longer encourage.

It put me at a place where I was feeling completely guilty which brought me back to the loss of my first son Nels. I was mad at myself, mad at my body for him being born with something that took his life, and mad that I wasn't able to do more. All of that emotion came crashing back in like the wave.

During those 4 days I began to heal from those things I kept inside but was still worried about not being able to continue in what I felt was where God had me placed for this time. My husband was praying with me encouraging me and yet I was not able to forgive myself yet. Plus I was super concerned about how I would be able to help with the bills with not being able to work my business. I felt guilty about that too. My Husband Chris reassured me that God would provide.

4 days later my phone began to work. It was a miracle and answer to prayer. What I found in the weeks after is that I needed a break... I need that time to spend one on one with God with nothing in the way.

For two weeks after I prayed, read the Bible, and I began to let it go. I let go of my guilt and anger at my body from losing Nels, I let go of my control of my business, and I gave it all over to God. Then I sought God's path for my life. I knew that it was time to get back to the ministry that God had given me before I lost my son. My Building a Healthy Living Temple ministry. Sure I have posted since I lost him. I tried to get back my healthy living temple.... but the guilt kept me locked up and unable to do as much as I wanted to do. That guilt equaled weight gain and sadness. No... I didn't go back to eating wheat and I did try my best to continue to eat healthy, I prayed, I read the word, I took vitamins, I tried healthy supplements but nothing was taking me back to what I was before I was pregnant with my son. I did find that I was having trouble with corn so taking that out helped a bit.

With new peace from forgiving myself and my body for the loss of our son I decided that bringing this blog back and sharing more about what I have learned about building a healthy living temple.

I am so thankful to the Lord that He has begun this transformation once again and I am feeling blessed and excited about 2017!

I am going to a be posting some great recipes, some fun stuff, and about essential oils and how they are helping me out with this journey. God is so good!

I have started a second blog because I am in a special challenge for Young Living Essential oils called Slique in 60!  It is a video blog about my weight loss during the 60 day challenge.   Click here to see it!